Friday, May 9, 2014

10 Problems Only Teachers Will Understand

Being a teacher is classified as a "white collar" job. Somethings are the same; we have contracts like most other professions and have assigned hours we have to be at work. We also have to have meetings and do reports.

However, our days are super unique in that there are a lot of events and problems that other "white collar" jobs, specifically those that occur in an office, will never understand.

I am lucky in the sense that two of my best friends are teachers so when I complain about this stuff, they understand me and can relate. When I complain to my boyfriend, he kind of stares at me bewildered that these things happen. 

I do apologize if this is pretty high school specific. Although, many elementary teachers will be able to relate to the majority of them.

10 Problems Only Teachers Will Understand

  1. Finished reading directions out loud in class. "Does anyone have any questions?" ~teacher "Yeah, I don't understand." ~student "Okay, what don't you understand?" ~teacher "All of it. What are we doing again?" ~student

  2. Read out loud in class: "In what vile part of this anatomy / Doth my name lodge?" (Romeo and Juliet III.iii) "What does Romeo literally ask for the location of?" ~teacher ::silence:: ~students

  3. "What do you mean it doesn't make sense? I made sure I used big words so that it would make sense." ~ student "Do you know the definition of the word you used?" ~teacher "No. But why does that matter? It is a smart word" ~student

  4. The constant murmur of students talking while you're trying to explain directions

  5. Day after turning in essay: "Did you grade my essay yet?" ~student

  6. "I don't get it!" ~student "Did you read the directions?" ~teacher "No. But it is still confusing!" ~student

  7. Parent sends an email during 1st period while you are teaching. Check your email the first chance you get three periods later: you have three follow up emails demanding to know why you haven't answered yet

  8. "My son is smart! Why are you failing him?" ~ parent "He hasn't turned in any assignments or his paper." ~teacher "So? Why is that stuff even important?" ~ parent

  9. "What do you mean you can't go to Taco Tuesday because you have to grade? Don't you get off work at 3pm? Why would you have to do work after you're done with work" ~"friends"

    My actual response to that text message

  10. Reviews with class. Offers to stay early and late for help. Constantly asks if the students understand. Class average on test: 65%

Despite all of this, I still love my job. I must be crazy

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Teacher Fight Club

So I had my students, in pairs, write legends about a tradition at the school. I got some awesome/funny/amazing legends. The best one was actually not a legend but a myth. However, it was too funny not to share.

Sit back and enjoy the ridiculousness.

*Note - what you see in bold is my editing out names and replacing it with the department the teacher is from. Otherwise, it is exactly how my students wrote it (grammar mistakes and all).

The Story of the Teacher Fight Club

Did you ever wonder what is under the school & why a majority of teachers wear long sleeves. The teachers wear the long sleeves to cover up the cuts & bruises they get fighting underneath the school in the underground fight club. Run by none other than my mom who happens to work at the school ! Many years ago my mom worked she started the underground fight club with PE teacher

The rules were that every teacher must participate in fight club from the very beginning religion teacher was the reigning champion in the beginig years, you can see him walking out of the school late at night to his car a  purple 1975 convertible Cadillac de Ville with cheetah print seats.  but he has fallen off the top because of younger aged teachers that are starting to take title once held for decades.

Teachers were always getting hurt but always had to come up with excuses for their injuries like science teacher & how she said she broke her knee after slamming into the ground was a cover up for when 2nd religion teacher grabbed her picked her up and did a Gutwrench powerbomb onto a table one of the most brutal moves in wrestling this video was leaked and can be seen on footage of these Mystical events.

One of the up coming stars is none other than me it is rumored that she can bench over 4,000 pounds and can be seen on some days doing squats with the bleacher and doing bicep curls with cars. The past 3 years she has destroyed the competition know 32-4 she is undisputedly one of the best in the game and not a force to be reckoned with.

But it wasnt always smooth roads for her in her second fight against the reigning womens champion Momma K they call her (science teacher from earlier) she pulled a michinoku driver with her metal knee totally crushing me bone but was said to only be a ACL tear. ******

This looked like the end of her career for sure but she trained and came back the next year sweeping the competition off there feet she was the underdog and two years later is one of the best in the game another powerhouse in the feather weight womens division is fellow English teacher also known as the flying Squirrel with her speed and agility she is a big contender for the title this years.

******I actually had ACL surgery last school year. I wish I tore it this way.