Lessons from Feeny: You Don't Have to be Perfect

I am coaching JV softball (not that you would know considering we have been outside three times during the first 17 days of the season....thank you winter/snow). Due to all the snow, I'm yet again watching Boy Meets World and yet again thinking of all the things I can actually learn from a 90's sitcom with a teacher as a main character.

During an episode in season 7, Topanga decides to go on a diet because she has *gasp* gained weight. This of course causes everyone else to freak out about their weight. Corey also thinks that the reason why Topanga has gained weight is because she is pregnant (this is of course not true). The craziness ends up with everyone freaking out in the student union and Mr. Feeny trying to calm them all down because they are freaking out for no reason. It is here that Mr. Feeny saying this gem

Coaching high school girls allows me to see this even more than when I teach them. Every time they make a mistake, like over throwing a ball or not knowing where to backup, they say "Sorry." I asked them once why they say this, and the group of 14, 15, and 16 year old girls told me that they do it because they are supposed to say sorry when they messed up. I then asked why especially when some of them have never played the sport  so why would I expect them to know where to go when I have never taught them? One of them thought about it and said "Well coach, I guess we are just expected to be perfect."

I told them, much like Feeny did, that this is an unrealistic expectation and it is ridiculous to try to live up to it. From this I made a rule that you only say "Sorry" if you said something that hurt someone's feelings otherwise, you shouldn't always be sorry for mistakes because everyone makes mistakes. Only be sorry if you don't try to learn from them.

I told my boyfriend about this rule and he told me I should start listening to my own advice because I do the same thing. It was then that I realized, like my team, I do it because society expects me to.

It may be too late for me to change (I say at the age of 25) but I refuse to allow my team/students believe they have to be perfect. I want them to know that they are okay to make mistakes. I want them to learn from them and try to be better not focus on the fact that they aren't perfect. So what if you make mistakes? You shouldn't let society tell you that isn't okay.

I don't get mad at the girls when they say "Sorry." I just point at them and they go "I mean.....my bad." Yeah, it is almost the same thing but by saying "My bad" they are admitting they made a mistake but they aren't apologizing for it. I'm going to try my best to make sure this idea sticks with them because I want them to know it is okay that they aren't perfect.

Lessons from Feeny: Education Beyond Books

On Friday, the USA lost to Canada.

I was not happy about the outcome.

However, I decided to let my seniors watch the game. I know, we have missed a lot of days for snow and I know, we have a lot to cover since they are seniors and they will be graduating soon.

There were 3 minutes left in the game when the period after me started. Two of my seniors asked me if they could stay and get a pass. I agreed because, well, I wanted to watch in hopes that the US would come back and at least tie it (I did tell them that if it was tied I wasn't going to let them stay for that).

Yesterday, the teacher to one of the seniors that stayed came up to talk to me and informed me that he had a quiz during last period and they were not happy that I allowed them to be late because they missed critical time to take the quiz.

I asked if they tried to use it as an excuse for more time and the answer was no. So I, like an idiot, said "then what is the problem?"

The answer was something along the lines of that we can't allow students to get away with this, education is super important, that they need to learn responsibility, etc.

I almost said "But next year, in college, he would have chosen the same thing."

I kept my mouth closed because that would just have sparked more debate that was useless.

Despite the snow, despite the amount of work I have to cover for my seniors before they are done at the end of May, I stand by my decision.

I am a huge hockey fan. My seniors and I routinely have debates about which NHL player is better. We have honestly have had heated debates where I made them actually use facts and debate format for the whole Crosby/Ovi debate. I have also done this for basketball with Jordan/Lebron. I'm not short of making sports part of the learning process.

However, I am aware there was no educational value to this game. But it was a huge game for anyone who likes hockey and the Olympics.

It was as I was trying to figure out the best way to phrase this that I remembered a Boy Meets World episode in the first season where Corey doesn't do well on his test because his dad woke him up to watch a no hitter that was being aired on the west coast. Feeny originally gets angry like this other teacher did because education is important.

As the episode goes on, he realizes that, when he was a child, he wasn't allowed to listen to FDR's speech that declared the war over because he had a test the next day. He doesn't remember what was supposed to be on the test but he does remember not hearing that speech because it was such a special event. It is when this happens that he tells Corey

"You see Mr. Matthews, education is not about obscure facts and little test scores. Education is about the overall affects of years of slow absorption. Concepts, philosophies, approaches to problem solving. The whole process is so grand and all-encompassing that it really can't be threatened by the occasional late-night no-hitter."

Yeah, education is important. But it isn't all about the books. It is everything. Slow absorption. As long as I don't interrupt class for every little thing, what damage have I really done? The student took responsibility of missing the first few minutes of class and didn't ask for more time. They knew they had made a choice and they knew the consequences of doing so. As a teacher, I try over and over again to get my students to take responsibility for their actions and choices and this student did. Even though it may not have been from the books, this student did learn something and I'm proud of them for that. You don't have to prove you learned something by taking a quiz.

Lessons from Feeny: You're Your Own Enemy

We recently got a lot of snow so we yet again had snow days and yet again I decided to binge watch on Boys Meets World which means I am getting more lessons on teaching from Feeny.

In the 5th season, there is an episode titled "The Eskimo." The premise of the episode is that Feeny gets very annoyed that Shawn is doing nothing his senior year because "he has learned it all," Corey won't stop trying to take care of him, and Topanga won't stop butting into the boys' lives. He gives them all their own assignments: Shawn must get Super Bowl tickets, Topanga must butt out of the boys' lives, and Corey is to make sure they all succeed. If they don't complete these assignments, they will fail. This proves to be a nearly impossible task.

Shawn almost is able to get the tickets by standing out in the cold but is beaten by an Eskimo. They assume the message is that "as long as we try we will be fine." So they go back to Feeny with this message and he asks where the Super Bowl tickets are. The gang becomes frustrated and try to figure out what Feeny is actually trying to teach them. Shawn realizes that at every point in his life, there has been "an Eskimo" in his way and he has always given into the fact that his hardship will win. He is determined to prove Feeny wrong and says he is going to San Diego (they are in Philly) to get the tickets. Corey tries to stop him because it is crazy but Shawn tells him to get out of the way and Corey does. 

Corey and Topanga report back to Feeny that they failed because Shawn went even though they said for him not to. Feeny smiles and tells them 

"Shawn isn't going to go to college and succeed because you want him to. He has to want to and believe that he can. And the only way he can do that is on his own." ~Feeny

"Then why did you want me to help him?" ~ Corey

"You need to know that you won't always be able to" ~Feeny

"Yeah, pretty soon we're all going to have to do stuff on our own without someone's help. Right Mr. Feeny? I think I know why you're going to keep giving us assignments until our last day with you." ~Topanga

"You're butting in Ms. Lawrence." ~ Feeny

"So fail me. That's life." ~Topanga

"But you won't be perfect anymore" ~Feeny

"No one should be perfect. Besides, you learn from failure." ~Topanga

Feeny shows the group that although you love your friends, what is stopping you from truly growing is yourself. Topanga is frightened about not being perfect and this desire for perfection causes her to never learn since she never makes mistakes. Corey learns that he is preventing his best friend from growing by trying to take care of him and Shawn learns that he is the only one standing in his way.

This is a lesson that is very difficult for high school students to learn. They are constantly hounded by their parents that they aren't perfect so they strive for it to the point where that is all they know. This prevents them from ever actually learning a lesson because the idea of failure is so frightening to them that they refuse to take any risks. They are the students that get super upset when they don't get an "A" on their paper. They are so upset that they get angry instead of learning from it. They don't come to ask me how to get the "A" they just complain that it was too hard and give up. Which then moves them into the second group of students. 

If they don't strive for perfection, they do the opposite and say "well, I will never achieve anything because I'm not good" so they become their own worst enemy. Many times I've talked to a student that was failing and they say "I"m just not good at English." I have to look at them and say "How do you know when you don't try?" They shrug and say "I have never been good so why try?"

How do you as a teacher fight this? The years of perfection or the years of being told they are not good? Sadly, there does not seem to be one single good way of doing this because Mr. Feeny is correct; they can only learn that on their own. The best you can do is keep pushing them and believing in them which is a difficult balance. You need to not accept the excuses but you need to tell them "you can do. I know you can." One day, it will click with them. Sometimes it will take two years of pushing them, like one of my students that I taught two years in a row, or sometimes it will only take a few short months. Either way, once they can see that they can do it, they will forever believe it. You just can't give up on them.

Lessons from Feeny: Utilizing Technology

I am currently re-watching the entire Boy Meets World series (thanks to my wonderful boyfriend). If you never saw the show, it is a typical 90's sitcom but better. Yes, it is situation comedy at its best but it does more than that by making sure they tell the coming of age story of Corey and his friends as they go through high school and eventually college.

Somehow, Cory, his friends, and even Corey's older brother Eric, all have the same teacher each year. Mr. Feeny is his name and he is such a great teacher that I want to be him.

No really.

I want to be a Mr. Feeny type of teacher.

Okay, not in the sense of me having the same students year after year, but in his teaching style and what he teaches his students for life outside of the classroom.

I mean look at this awesome speech

(note: Corey, Shawn, and Topanga are on a quiz show that used to be very highly academic and now it is all based upon pop culture)

Later in the episode, the three realize that Feeny is right. That the "information" they are learning isn't very useful to them in the real world.


Now, we could get into a discussion about if students really need to learn about Gutenberg or not but Feeny does bring up an amazing point.

My students know how to use Twitter, SnapChat, Tumblr, and basically every other social network in existence with no problem at all. Yet, when I ask them to do research, they stare at me blankly. They don't know how to utilize the tool given to them in order to enrich themselves. They just know how to make sure their selfie is seen by hundreds of people.

Imagine if they harnessed that power and ability to learn more. Not just learn more about Gutenberg but maybe learn more about the things that interest them (beyond reality TV). I want my students to see their laptops as more than just game centers. I want them to see them as a gateway to learning. I want them to learn about things that will help them like creativity. I want them to imagine and design using the technology they know so well. I want them to better themselves not dumb themselves down.

I want to be like Feeny and teach my students this. I just need to figure out how.