I'm Not Superwoman and 3 Other Things I Learned This Week

So I may or may not have had a slight break down last week.

It was one of those weeks where I was not only emotionally compromised due to the anniversary of the death of a coworker and friend, but my grades were due and a bunch of stuff for grad school was due as well.

The only shining beacon is that spring break started last Friday.

::cue sounds of angels singing::

I am the type of person that decompresses by being alone. Unfortunately, Saturday and Sunday were spent with family and friends from out of town so it was not until Monday that I actually got to decompress.

In the past two days I have drank some wine, slept A LOT, drank a little more wine, read for pleasure, drank just one more glass of wine, and finally was able to gain perspective on the entire ordeal.

In total, I learned five things. I'm going to put them in a list because I love lists.*

What Daily(ish) Teacher Has Learned Since Last Thursday

1. I am not superwoman.....

I wish I could stay on top of my grading AND my grad work while I am coaching softball (with no assistant coach ::cue crazy smile::) all while still having a social life. Needless to say something had to give and sadly, the thing that gave was my sanity.

I can't do it all.

I can't do it all.

I can't do it all.

I say it over and over again because I can actually say it now. Growing up, my mother and I would get into the biggest fights ever because I would refuse to ask for help because I didn't want to seem broken or weak.** I have slowly gotten better over the years but it took until this moment to fully realize that I really can't do everything.

By far, one of toughest things to learn is your own failings.

2. ....but I am superwoman to my students

I have talked before about how my students value me beyond what I'm teaching them in the classroom and although that is nice, it isn't what made me think of that this time.

On Thursday, we had a half day and I happened to have all of my sophomore classes that day. The day before, their research project that they have all been stressing over was due.

I could have given them some bonus assignment on Shakespeare (our next unit) or actually tried to teach. Instead, I gave them coloring pages.

Yes, I gave a bunch of 15 and 16 year old students coloring pages.

They were beyond excited.

As they walked out, a lot of them said to me "Thank you. I really needed this" with a look of gratefulness on their face.

Although I am not superwoman, I just saved my students from having a break down by giving them 30 minutes of freedom from high school

I even got in on the stress relieving drawing craze

3. Laughing is vital to survival

If it wasn't for laughing, last week would have been worse off. And, it isn't just about yourself laughing, it is about making others laugh as well.

For example, I am an avid Doctor Who fan and so is one of my fellow English teachers. When the Weeping Angels came up on my daily calendar of Doctor Who villains, I freaked but knew I had to play a practical joke on my coworker since she was also dealing with stressed out sophomores. So this is what I put in her grade book when she wasn't in her classroom

If you have no idea why this is freaky, see the video below***. Regardless, for any Doctor Who fan, this is something that is going to make you jump and freak out as it did to my coworker in the middle of her class.

I know her sense of humor so I had no fear she would laugh. It was a good and much needed laugh for her which also helps me because I know for a moment that I brought a smile to someone's face.

4. My students will constantly surprise me

I felt like giving up. I was realizing why nearly half of teachers leave the profession within the first 5 years.

It is stressful. It is time consuming. It is emotionally draining because of how much you care.

You care and you care and you care yet you feel like this article from The Onion (that has NSFW language).

Recently, I gave them an assignment to look at a story from a different perspective and create a podcast about it. The goal was to put them in the shoes of someone else and to see the story through their eyes. I was expecting kids to do this last second and not put a lot of thought into it and just tell the same story I had heard over, and over again.

Although I got that, I also got some really really really awesome ones that made me so happy. The stories they were able to retell were AMAZING. They really grasped the concept of a podcast and two boys, who are on the quiet side, were able to actually tell a story in an amazing way. I put together a video of their podcasts so you can enjoy my student's work as much as I do.

Seriously, It is wonderful and I was pleasantly surprised. It is times like this that I remember why I do what I do.


I learned that I love teaching and even though I am stressed, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

*if you think that is strange you have obviously never hung around teachers who, by nature, break EVERYTHING down into lists for students.

**The short version: I knew I was smart but hated that I just couldn't remember to do or complete things which I felt made me appear dumb so I refused to ask for help since I wanted to prove that I could do it. Curses of ADD

***Yeah, I'm just giving you a link to the video and not embedding it because they freak me out too much. Go here to get the short version as to what they are.

Magical Formula

Dear stressed out self of the future:

I totally know how you are feeling right now. I was grading until 3am last night and woke up again at 5am to finish said grades for my 7:40am deadline. I'm so far behind on grad school that I'm afraid I may not graduate, and I have no idea how I'm teaching the next unit.

Yes, spring break officially started an hour ago but I don't get to take advantage of that. I have a softball game that is 45 min away and coming back, with the oh so lovely traffic, will cause my spring break to start around 7pm tonight.

Did I mention I also have only 9 players for today's game?

You may be wondering why I'm writing this since all it seems like is a pity party.


That is exactly why I'm writing it.


Seriously future self, you're so stressed that you just want to curl up and cry because of the exhaustion and never ending load of work. You feel like you never have time for yourself because when you do take a night off from grading/planning/prepping to cope with the one year anniversary of a friend's death, you actually end up feeling worse because you ended up not being prepared for work the next day and end up in a frazzle.

People are going to tell you that you assign too much work or that you can't let the little things get to you or that it isn't the end of the world.

Future self, screw them.


Every assignment you give to your students is designed as part of a larger purpose. Those assignments should be graded because if you don't grade, your underclassmen will fail since their paper writing isn't developed enough yet. You also can't "go easy" on them when it comes to paper writing because they won't become better writers that way.

You know it isn't the end of the world and you know that you should let the little things go. However, you also know you have ADHD which makes these things nearly impossible to do. You struggle to remain focused which leads to disorganization which then leads to guilt and anxiety because your failings are hurting your students. You then get frustrated when no one believes you because "ADHD is a kid thing" and "everyone now has ADHD." You feel alone and isolated because no one can seem to comprehend that you actually want to let the little things go but doing so makes you think that you have completely failed.

Future self, I wish that I could tell you I have it all figured out. That I know how to get out of the hole you're in and not make your job consume your life. I wish I knew how to be an effective teacher without having to give up so much of my time that I don't feel like I can ever relax again.

I honestly don't know what to do or say to you.

So why do I write this future self?


I write it because I want you to know that you're not alone. I'm where you are now. I know how you feel and although I'm talking to myself, it is always nice to know someone else feels the same way you do.


Now future self, I must go and see if I can find this magical formula to combat this overwhelming stress.

Hopefully, I can give you an answer soon.


Sincerely,

Your past self

Believing in Angels

I have freshmen essays to grade and the new season of House of Cards is calling my name.* In an effort to remain productive in someway, I have decided to write a blog post.

I could continue on why life isn't fair but, as I've learned over the last year, one of the best ways not to fall into a deep vortex of life sucking is to find positive things.

Last night, my boyfriend and I were watching a stand up comedian named Matt Braunger. Like most comedians, he was talking about how he has been going through some depressing things. His way through this hard stuff is by believing in angels**. As he says, angels are "anything that makes you laugh when you don't think you can possibly laugh."

I love this term. So, I'm going to borrow it and expand it a little to include things that made me smile and give you a few angels in my life that have helped over the past week.

The 3 Angels in Dailyish Teacher's Life the Past Week

1. Hungry Hungry Hippos: Alright, I know. You may be saying to yourself "Why on Earth would a board game be your angel?" I wouldn't blame you if you did. But watch this video to see why:
   
   
   Post by Brittney Lauren.
   
   
   Okay so that video was posted by a coworker on Facebook with the caption, "Alright we need to do this at the next pep rally" and tagged over 30 teachers and admin. The best part about this is that EVERYONE was game to do it. So much so that I think we convinced the head of student life to plan it even though she is out on maternity leave. If this actually happens, I will be so pumped! Even if it doesn't happen, it still makes me laugh because of how awesome it is and how awesome the teachers/faculty are at that school for doing it. I'm so game for life size Hungry Hungry Hippo
   
2. Twitter: Again, this may seem strange but I'm very thankful for Twitter. I constantly search for my name on Twitter to see what the kids are saying about me. This may seem narcissistic but I do it for two reasons: 1) Teenagers tend to use Twitter to vent and if they are saying bad things about me then I know I'm doing something wrong and 2) If they are saying bad things about me, I can use it not to just change but to make it a lesson in digital citizenship and being aware of what is put out on the Internet. Anyway, I mentioned the other day how I wrote sympathy cards to my students. I didn't expect to hear from them at all but low and behold, when I searched my name tonight this gem popped up:
   
   
   
   I made a difference. I know it was small but to these teenagers, it meant the world which is why I do what I do.





3. Love, Teach: Oh my gosh do I love her posts. Every single one makes me either laugh out loud or go "awwww." Mostly they make me laugh out loud. Still, she is one of my angels.*** Seriously, look at these Facebook updates:
   
   
   Post by Love, Teach.
   
   
   
   
   Post by Love, Teach.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Post by Love, Teach.
   
   
   
   
   
   Post by Love, Teach.


Are you not entertained?! Seriously though, go read her blog. I promise you will love it.

It always amazes me how much social media can make my day. Without it, I would never have been able to laugh and smile this past week. Thank you Facebook and Twitter. You've been amazing.

"Loss of life is to be mourned but only if that life was wasted" ~Spock
Live Long and Prosper Leonard Nimoy

*The essays make me want to jump off a bridge at times and House of Cards kind of promotes doing that, or at least pushing someone off of it....needless to say not a good combination.

**Watch the clip. It is hilarious. Just be aware, some language is NSFW so you may not want to pull it up on your lunch break without head phones.

***Nominated for Best Education Blog for the Webblog Awards. You should go vote for her. http://2015.bloggi.es/

Not Fair

Nearly a year ago, I wrote a post about how to help teenagers through a tragedy as a teacher. This was sparked due to the death of a teacher. I have to do it all over again but this time due to the death of a student.

The student that died I did not personally have. He passed away Monday night in his sleep after going to sleep excited to drive to school for the first time on Tuesday. The cause of death is still unknown.

I am on the verge of tears. Not because of the child dying even though that is a tragedy, but because of how much pain my students are in and I can't do a damn thing about it.

There are literally zero words I can say to them that can make them feel better. I could feed them the classic lines of "he is in a better place" or "everything happens for a reason" but I know those are hollow words to the majority of teenagers right after this happens.

There is reason I constantly refer to my students as "my kids." I invest so much time, effort, and emotions into them that they may as well be my children. I want to throw them out the window because they can be so annoying at times, but in general, I love my students and want to help, protect, and inspire them to be the best human being they can be. Sometimes, I even get results.

I wrote five sympathy cards today to students that I knew were struggling. I did this because I knew that it was the only thing I could do to try and help. I let each of them know that I was there for them to talk to if they needed me because they might feel so alone which I never want for them to feel. Also, in each one I wrote the words "It sucks and it isn't fair" because it isn't.

It isn't fair that a 16 year old kid and athlete died in his sleep.

It isn't fair that my students have to feel this pain and sorrow as a teenager. You're not supposed to deal with this type of pain until you are older and know how to cope.

It isn't fair that my students have to go two years in a row with loss.

It isn't fair that life can't stop for my kids so that they can grieve.

It isn't fair that there isn't anything I can do to make them feel better.

It isn't fuckin fair.

Being a Young Teacher: A Pro/Con List

Recently, my students completed evaluations of all their teachers. After the evaluations were complete, I was able to request my results. Like the majority of evaluations from students, they said I gave "alot of work" (yes, "alot"). There was also the one random kid who either really does not like me or is not happy with their grade so they say I'm a horrible teacher.

Over the course of four years, I have learned to ignore these types of reviews. My subject tends to have a lot more "work" because they have reading and when 99%* of the reviews say they strongly agree or agree, then I know I can ignore the one that puts "strongly disagree" for everything.

The rankings were nice but the really telling part were the comments. When I first began to read them, I was loving them. They made me smile and sail on cloud 9.

My freshmen talked mostly about my instructional ability:

"Ms. **** is supportive, educated, and hardworking."
"She knows how to help someone get something if they don't get it"
"makes class less stressful keeps class on track"
"She is good at giving us helpful study guides and preparing us for tests. She assigns helpful homework that helps us to learn the course material"
"Knows how to make class fun"
"I don't think that I would have understood anything if she did not explain it the way she did."

My sophomores did the same but I am apparently making a bigger impact with them beyond the classroom. I put any of  the lines that really got to me from longer comments in bold.

"Ms. ***** is my favorite teacher because she keeps it real and is so understanding. She makes sure that the student is comfortable with what they're doing and is willing to reach out with a helping hand. We need more teachers like that. Her humor is spot on and her music taste is out of this world. She makes me feel important."
"An iconic role-model, really."
"Constantly reminds us of the times she'd be available whether it's before or after school. Even sets apart a time for the student to sign up for a time slot for the specific assignment. Ms. **** still goes to class. How she still makes time for us, I don't know. I aspire to be like her"
"I have dreams to be a teacher and I want to be like her."
"Great role model, easy to talk to about grades and assignments, awesome and amazing"

When I first read these, I felt honored. I was helping my kids more than I realized. I was doing such a good job that they want to be like me.

As time went on, it hit me:

They want to be like me.

I am 26 years old. I barely feel like an adult.

On Instagram, I use the hashtag #adulting when I feel like I did something adult worthy like cooking dinner.  I have less than $100 in my checking account and the only reason I actually no longer have car payments is because I got in college. I'm swimming in student load debt and I routinely have boxed or canned food. I drink crappy wine and beer because I can't afford anything else. I read articles like this one from Buzzfeed and do a laugh/cry because it pretty much sums up my life. The only thing I'm 100% sure about in my life is that I'm actually in the correct career which is more than I can say for some of my friends.

And these kids look up to me.

I can't decide if being a young teacher, especially to students that are barely 10 years younger than me is a good thing or bad thing. So, I decided to make a list.

Pros of Being a Young Teacher

• I get the majority of their references which makes it easier to know if they are doing something they should not be doing.
• I can relate to them because the pop culture references I pull from are exactly the same ones they would pull from
• They feel more comfortable around me because I remind them more of an older sister than a mother
• I can still remember what it felt like being a teenager so I'm more willing to cut them some slack
• They are able to look up to me because I'm closer to their age

Cons of Being a Young Teacher

• They look up to me and I barely have my life together
• I barely have my life together
• I barely have my life together
• I barely have my life together
• If you didn't notice, I barely have my life together.

Normally, I'm able to come to some conclusion about what I'm writing about at the end of my post. This case, however, I still don't know how I feel about the kids looking up to me. I'm glad that I'm making such a positive influence on them. I love my job and the comments about what I do well validate my teaching. 

I just hope they don't put me on a pedal stool and expect me to be perfect because I'm so far from that it isn't even funny.

I just hope they know I'm not infallible.  

*This is one percentage I know for sure is correct because only 100 kids filled it out.

Finding Meaning in the Crazy

My life is crazy.

No, really.

I teach 9th and 10th graders full time. I have 6 classes for a total of 121 students. Not only that, but I teach English which means my grading takes at LEAST twice as long to complete than the average math or science teacher.

I am also enrolled in grad school full time. Yes, full time. 9 credits. Luckily it is my last semester.

I also am the head JV softball coach. "That isn't so bad. You have assistants to help you out." Yeah...not so much this year. The assistant varsity coach will be on maturity leave during the season so the head varsity coach took my assistant coach thus leaving me with no full time assistant this year. It is also very difficult to find a replacement because there are not that many people who can get off work at 3pm every single day.

So yes, my life is completely crazy. My boyfriend and I get into stupid fights because "I don't make time for him" but he "doesn't want me to give up what I love"

Which means I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I've learned the only way to combat this feeling of complete craziness is to remember why you got into the crazy in the first place. If you can't remember why, then you should just cut it out of your life.

Softball
I have been involved with softball since I was 5. I played it until I was 18. My freshmen year of college, I missed it so much that I found a local team to help coach. I was an assistant varsity coach for three years. After college, I came back home. I decided not to coach my first year teaching because I figured that would be too crazy even for me. I realized I missed it way to much.

Last year, the JV coach left and they needed someone. I stepped up to the plate* and decided to coach knowing full well I would have to balance grad school as well as teaching.

It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

The girls were a blast to work with and that intense happy/satisfied feeling softball brought me as a player came back as a coach. Not coaching would leave me with a hole that can only be filled by softball.

Grad School
Obviously, I can't just "quit" grad school. Even though I can't get rid of it, I have to remind myself why I do it.

I do it because I want to learn more about profession. I want to become a better teacher. I want to impact my students in new ways. I don't want to become the boring, old, repetitive teacher; I want to constantly be current and engaging.

Even though it drives me crazy every once and a while, grad school is important to everything I do.

Teaching
The burnout rate for teachers is less than 5 years.

I'm in year 4 and I can completely relate to that statistic.

I am constantly tired because I stay at school for over 12 hours. I work on the weekends and sometimes freak out when I don't. I've gotten better at making sure I set aside time for myself but it is difficult when I feel like I don't have enough hours in a day to do my job well.

Every time I think I reach my breaking point, something happens to remind me why I teach. This time it was an argument.

My sophomores are reading Things Fall Apart. Like most assigned reading for school, my students were not excited to read the novel. However, due to my hard work in grad school, I was able to devise a unit that would at least force the students to read and not rely upon SparkNotes.

On Friday, they were assigned various aspects of the Ibo culture to examine and draw conclusions about based upon what is presented in the novel. Two of those topics were "manhood" and "womanhood." My students began to debate, totally unprompted by me, about Okonkwo and if he really was "manly" or not. They were using examples from the text and finally agreed that it depended upon the definition of "manly" that was used.

They were not only reading but having an emotional response to the reading. They were exploring the human concept of "strength" and "weakness" on their own. They were doing everything I had hoped they would do and more.

It seems small and it seems insignificant but, it the meaning in my crazy. It is the reason I do what I do and it is the reason that, although I'm exhausted, I'm no where near burned out.

A Letter to My First Year Self

Dear First Year Self

Time for the big leagues. You made it through student teaching in two completely different atmospheres and you feel like you can handle anything.

You're wrong.

You thought you were tired before; you have no idea what tired means. You will pull an all nighter grading assignments not due to your procrastination but due to a mixture of not knowing how to stagger your assignments and not knowing how to grade quickly and effectively at the same time.

You will have parents that drive you crazy and make you doubt your ability to do your job. Don't let them get you down. Don't be afraid to ask your fellow teachers how to handle the situations in the future and if the parent is right. Sometimes they are but are just jerks about it. It doesn't mean you're a bad teacher. It means you have to learn and grow just like your students.

You'll have moments that you just want to give up. You'll have these moments more than you'll like to admit.

That's okay.

Just make sure you don't keep it locked inside. That's when you'll start believing it. Chances are, your fellow teachers feel the same way or have and can help you get out of your funk. Reach out. I know you like to be alone but you have to reach out. It's the only way you'll survive.

The biggest thing you got wrong about the entire teaching jig has nothing to do with parents or burnout.

The biggest thing you got wrong was this:

You'll care more, have more patience, keep a level head, and be inspired more than you ever thought possible.

The kids will say stupid things and drive you up a wall nearly every day but also nearly every day, they will do something that will make you want to brag to your friends about your proud teacher moments.

Even though you'll want to scream, you'll shock yourself at how you're able to take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and react in a rational manner. You'll be blown away how you don't let the teenage challenges get under your skin. You'll then be blown away at how much respect the students give you because you don't blow up on them like their parents.

You have some challenging moments ahead. Moments where you have to be strong for your students because you're the one they came to because they trust you. Moments where all you want to do is scream at how cruel people can be and scream because life isn't fair.

It is in these moments that you'll be shocked at how well you're able to handle the situations. More importantly, you'll be shocked at how well your students handle them when they are too young to be dealing with situations. It is in those moments that you'll know this is the job for you.

Stick it out first year self. The moments of doubt will become fewer and the moments of inspiration and happiness will become greater.

Love

Your 4th year self

#devolson

The school year has started which means it is time to start blogging again*

Here is why I never ask my students what they did over the summer because this would be my response:

I taught summer school. When I wasn't teaching summer school I was reading a book and drinking wine.

Not that exciting.

But now we are into the school year and specifically that time of year known as DEVOLSON** which stands for The Dark, Evil Vortex of Late September, October, and November which is to explain that early burnt out, tired feeling you get during this time of year because you have yet to settled into the routine of school and the transition into that routine usually takes the the first three months of school. This feeling tends to lead you to slightly lose your mind.

Although I did not invent this title, I am here to say this is real.

For example, this was an actual Facebook status I posted:

How To Start Your Thursday Morning:
1) Wake up from a dream where the secretary responsible for sub plans was yelling at you for not submitting sub plans and missing school.
2) Look at your clock and realize that was your subconscious telling you that you had over slept your alarms and that it is 6:20 and you have to be at work by 7:30
3) See a text from your roommate asking for you to wake them up so they could move their car
4) Throw markers at your roommate to wake them up
5) Struggle to find your ID and eventually find it right where you left it the night before
6) Rush out the door all ready to call the office saying you're going to be late only to realize that since you rushed through getting ready and were able to hit all the lights at green, it is actually 6:50 in the morning.
7) You go in and get a cup of coffee and breathe
This guide is brought to you by a full time teacher in graduate school

That was my actual morning. Besides reading the list Love, Teach gives to survive this, I present you with my method.

Four Ways to Survive DEVOLSON According to Dailyish Teacher

1. Limit your wine drinking to only one glass. Seriously. You'll want to drink a lot. Don't go overboard. It will make it worse
   
2. Create a "Happy File." Since I limit my wine drinking, I need another way to feel happy. I do this with my "Happy File" which is a collection of student sticky notes, sayings from my daily calendar that I have saved, emails from parents I have printed out, and even the drawings students give me (Yes....high school students still draw their teachers pictures especially when they get bored during a test)
   
3. Keep pictures of someone you don't hate on your desk at work. Boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/best friend etc. Pick the person you tend to complain to because they make you feel sane again. Just looking at their picture will make you feel better
   
4. Laugh. Laugh a lot. This is the most important one. This is the one that helps the most. This is why I keep my desktop background rotating between images I find amusing.I also post some of my favorites on my bulletin board next to my desk so I can just turn my head and laugh when I need it. 

Since I can't really help you with 1 - 3, I figured I would give you a jump start on 4 with some things to laugh about.

This is students in a nutshell

*If you notice I only blog when I want to avoid grading. This is the best type of blogging. It allows me to feel productive while

** I did not create this term. The lovely Love, Teach did. She is hilarious. You should read her blog. She is much better/experienced then me at this. She even writes for WeTeachers and has a bingo game you can play

How to Deal When the Unthinkable Happens

On Tuesday the unthinkable happened.

A fellow teacher passed away.

He was not just a coworker but also a very good friend.

He was the proctor for Model UN which I helped out with. The kids in that group got to know him really well so they are taking it the hardest.

I am 25 years old and I have never had a close friend pass away. I can't image how I would have handled it at the age of 15, 16, or 17.

For the past two days, these kids have tried to go to class and tried to take tests. However, something will happen where they break down. Either someone will say something that reminds them of him or someone will do something that makes them sad/angry whatever. They show up at my door in tears not knowing how to handle themselves.

They have no idea how to handle their feelings but they know I feel like they do so they come to me. From listening to their stories, so many people don't know how to handle them. They try but they just don't get it which ends up hurting them more.

I am no expert when it comes to this situation. However, there are a few things I learned that are helpful in dealing with students in this situation and I figured I would share what I learned.

5 Pieces of Advice For How to Handle Students Going Through a Tragedy

1. Don't force them to talk about it.
   
   
   So far, two of the girls have come crying to me because a teacher figured that the best way to deal was to force them to talk about it. Although it is helpful for the class as a whole, those that are the most effected will hate it. They feel like what you (or their classmates) are saying is superficial. If they were close to the teacher, they know those that weren't. It is actually more hurtful for them to hear someone else try to work through their pain. It may sound narcissistic but these students know who understands their pain and who doesn't. They aren't about to share with someone who doesn't understand. 
   
   
   On the same note, if it isn't a school wide tragedy, still don't force them to talk about it. They will talk with those they feel comfortable with. The only question that is acceptable is "Do you have someone to talk to?" If they say yes, then let it be and just keep an eye on them.
   
   
2. If they are actually struggling, they will tell you.
   
   Some teachers have kept moving on because they assume that some people are going to try and take advantage of the situation. They will only say they are hurting in front of the entire class to try and get sympathy points or get out of work.
   
   Although these students (sadly) exist, those that are actually struggling will come and talk to you. They will tell you "I can't focus" or "I tried but I can't bring myself to do it." They will speak up because the teacher/adult they are talking to about everything will tell them to do that. If they don't come, the teacher/adult they are talking to will. Either way, you'll know. Those that just want attention, will be too afraid to tell you in person. So please believe the students when they tell you, in private, that they are struggling.
3. Give some flexibility...
   
   If they say they couldn't do the homework or that they can't take the test, be understanding. They are trying because they do want things to be normal again but sometimes it becomes too much. If they ask for it, allow for some flexibility.
4. ...but don't completely let them off the hook
   
   Don't say "oh don't worry about taking the test. It won't count" That isn't what they need. They need you to change the due date or test date not give them a pity party. As I said, they want normalcy but they don't know how to get it. By still making sure they do their work, even if it is a little later, that will help. Letting them off the hook completely just reminds them that they had a tragedy.
5. Remember that they are teenagers
   
   I am 25. I have dealt with loss before. Nothing this hurtful but I have dealt with loss. When I first mourned for someone it was in college. Although I'm struggling, I know people are there to help me. I know that what they may do might not be the best but I know it is them trying to help. I know that the best way to move on from something is to try and move on with my daily life. Even if it seems impossible right now. I have to try.
   
   Teenagers instinctively think no one understands them. They instinctively think that everything is harder than it is and that if they can't figure it out, it isn't worth their time. Add this natural/biological outlook on life to a tragedy and you have a huge problem. So many adults have tried to act like nothing is wrong around them. They still get upset with them when they walk into class late. They won't let them leave the classroom to have a breakdown because, in the teacher's minds, they should just move on.
   
   Yes, you can treat an adult this way but a teenager you can't. They are trying but they are going to mess up more than an adult would in this situation. You have to remember that its okay. By assuming they should just continue with their everyday lives is the worst thing you can do for them. Even worse than letting them off the hook. Yes, you may have experienced loss before and know how to handle it but they haven't. This was unexpected. This was someone they loved. This was someone they felt understood them. You can't expect them to just "move on" no matter what you say. Teenagers blow emotions up. This is why they cry if someone makes fun of them. They don't know how to brush the little things off and keep going so why on Earth would you expect them to know how to brush off the death of someone they loved?

A death like this is hard. Teenagers struggle to cope and if you happen to be the one that they come to for help, just listen. Sometimes, they may want to talk about something else. Sometimes they may just want to cry. Other times they may just need you to be in the room with them. Just be there for them so they know they aren't alone.

Rest in Peace Patrick. You'll be missed. 

Methods to Avoiding Tough Situations

*Update at the bottom

I made girls cry yesterday.

I made them cry in both happiness and sadness.

How?

Well, I coach JV softball (just add another thing to what I do under the title "Teacher") and we had to make our cuts yesterday. Some girls cried with joy and some cried with sadness.

You know how crappy that makes you feel?

If you don't, let me explain to you. The ratio of how crappy it was to how many glasses of wine I needed was 1:3.

Meaning, for every girl I had to cut, I wanted to have three glasses of wine.

Granted, I didn't end up drinking 15 glasses of wine but I really wanted to.

The worst part? One of the girls is a student of mine.

So I'm basically sitting here panicking because I'll have to face her in two periods and I'm trying to figure out ways not to.

1. Method 1: Climb out the window
• Pros: I will avoid seeing the student. 
• Cons: I will most likely break something since I teach on the second story
  
2. Method 2: Call in sick with a sudden and rare virus
• Pros: I will avoid seeing the student
• Cons: I will have to take sick leave and then not be able to lead my team in practice
3. Method 3: Pretend she is invisible
• Pros: I will avoid having to talk to her about it if she wants to
• Cons: I will look like even a bigger jerk then when I cut her
  
4. Method 4: Have the front office call her down for some made up reason
• Pros: I will avoid seeing the student
• Cons: I will not only embarrass the poor student but I will also look like a crazy person to my administration
5. Method 5: Acting like an adult and dealing with the situation of her possibly wanting to talk about it or being angry at me like teenagers tend to do
• Pros: I act like an adult
• Cons: I have to deal with the situation

Crap. I have to go with method 5. 

I hate being an adult sometimes

-----------

Update: So I took the adult method and it paid off. I was able to face the student and she even asked for help. Yay! She didn't hold it against me!

No Two Children Are the Same - Unless They Are in the Classroom.

I am currently chaperoning a field trip for Model U.N. Since the kids are in session about 90% of the day, I have taken the time to gradeish (def. - getting distracted by TV or the internet while papers are in front of you occasionally being marked).

Needless to say, I have watched A LOT of HGTV and Food Network.

One commercial keeps popping up for Sylvan Learning Center. No matter what kid they choose to use, the story is always the same: the kid is disinterested in school, he goes to Sylvan, and *bam* he becomes interested in school.

After hearing/seeing the commercial so many times, I decided to start actually listening to what they say. The tag line is "Learning should be personal."

They follow a four step program of "Assess - Plan - Teach - Apply" in order to make children actually excited about learning.

There is nothing wrong with this approach. Actually, I love this approach. Asses your student's needs, plan the a lesson best for them, teach the lesson, and then have them apply it so that they can prove they fully understand it. This model assumes no two students are the same which is great!

So why can't we apply it in schools?

Why do schools assume every child is the same? Why do they think that everyone can take the same exact test to prove they know this knowledge? Why must we assume that every child can prove they learned the information the best by taking a test? Why do we assume children all learn the same?

Just because it was the way you learned, doesn't mean it is the way your child learns. Maybe the fact that places like Sylvan exist is not a good thing but a bad thing. We see many disinterested children and automatically assume something is wrong with them since they don't seem to excel in the system that has been virtually unchanged in decades. What if the problem isn't the children but the system? What if the reason they are so disinterested is because the system is failing them?

Why is it, that my grandparents can tell me stories about high school, specifically how they were taught and asked to prove they know the information, and they sound like I could have told them about my high school days?

My generation is different from my grandparents. My students are slowly starting to become less like my generation and more like their own. So why does education assume that each of these generations, with completely different learning styles and lifestyles, can all learn the same way?

Shouldn't we actually take the message of Sylvan and apply it to how we actually teach children? Wouldn't that benefit them for the future and the progression of the world in general?


The answer is yes, we should be changing education and stop forgetting what we did in the past and focus upon what we are going to do in the future. In 100 years from now, hell, in 50 years from now, the world will be a completely different place yet, education will still pretend it is 1973.

Your Child is Doing Fine, I Promise.

It has been a very very difficult week. Normally, I enjoy teaching but this week multiple factors made it very difficult to enjoy it.

The biggest one was due to parent, teacher, student conferences on Thursday. I had many parents concerned about their freshmen child because they were not doing "well" with a "B." I was able to calm these parents down because I reassured them that their child has shown improvement in their organization, study skills, self-activity, etc. and that their child will be able to live up to their full potential. They are just currently struggling to figure it out.

Besides the fact that these parents want perfection from their child when they may not in fact be able to achieve it, I was fine until one conference that was extremely difficult.

It was a mother of a freshmen. Both of them came in and I figured it would be like the conferences above. However the mother decided to berate me in front of her son claiming I didn't know how to teach writing and that I didn't know basic English. The reason she knew better was because she went to a top tier university and graduated with a degree in English.

What got me was not the lack of respect from the mother, it was that she was doing this all in front of her son. Her son was sitting in the desk head down and trying to appear as small as he could. He was clearly embarrassed and only talked when I engaged him. The student even admitted that he had made a mistake on his paper and that he hadn't listened to what I told him to do (which I assured him was okay as long as he learned from it). This did not stop the mother from going on and on about how I didn't know what I was doing but she did.

What pissed me off was that the conference became more about the parent trying to validate their existence than what we could do to help her son in my class specifically with writing.

Her son was so embarrassed that he came up and apologized to me in class on Friday, completely worried that I was going to assume that he shared the same view as him mom in regards to what she had said. I assured him this was not true.

Now, I know I am not a parent but as a teacher this makes me very angry. This parent made the conference about her and completely ignored her son and his needs. She feels like she is a wiz in English and the fact that someone tells her otherwise makes her angry. She completely ignored the fact that her son is not a natural writer and that he needs to develop her skills. She completely ignored him and his wishes. It was obvious her son did not feel the same way she did but she completely ignored him and did what would validate her.

I was proud her son got a "C" on his paper because he improved from his first. He worked hard on it. Could have he worked harder and done better? Yes but he is 14. He is figuring it out. Why can't you feel the same?

Stop worrying about your ego and focus on your son's needs.

School Induced Comma

My grades were due yesterday morning (which is why there is a lack of post from the last couple of days) and of course nothing went as planned.

First, I got in at 5:30am to make copies and input grades for one last class. I print off everything, start the copier, and then sit down to log onto Turnitin.com only to discover that our IT department was experimenting with a filter and I needed an admin password to access the site.

Grades were due at 7:40am. The filter wasn't taken off until 7:45am.

Then, during my first planning period, I was sidetracked with an issue in guidance for the entire period preventing me from actually getting my grades done. I didn't have a free moment until lunch so I had to give up my lunch period to grade.

After finally getting my grades in, I had to run down to the athletic department to drop off paperwork so I could get paid for the work I did for them over the weekend which took away the five minute window I had to eat.

During the actual teaching period, I introduced the sophomore research project to my sophomores. Every sophomore has to do it but I was the first teacher to introduce it meaning I was a big fat meany. My seniors were bouncing off the wall and my freshmen couldn't focus to save their lives. I thought I was out of the woods with last period planning but I ended up subbing during that period.

I rarely leave school as soon as I'm allowed to but yesterday I left the moment the clock told me my contract hours were up.

I proceeded to go for a mile and a half walk to clear my head and then I put my head down on the pillow and was asleep by 7pm and was that way until 6am this morning. Basically a school induced comma.

I do not share this to complain. I share this because when I was first starting out, I felt this way all the time but didn't feel like anyone understood. Therefore, I share this so you can not feel alone and know that you are not the only teacher that feels crazy every once and a while.

It is okay to sleep for 11 hours sometimes. Sometimes you need it more than you need to grade.

Lessons from Feeny: Utilizing Technology

I am currently re-watching the entire Boy Meets World series (thanks to my wonderful boyfriend). If you never saw the show, it is a typical 90's sitcom but better. Yes, it is situation comedy at its best but it does more than that by making sure they tell the coming of age story of Corey and his friends as they go through high school and eventually college.

Somehow, Cory, his friends, and even Corey's older brother Eric, all have the same teacher each year. Mr. Feeny is his name and he is such a great teacher that I want to be him.

No really.

I want to be a Mr. Feeny type of teacher.

Okay, not in the sense of me having the same students year after year, but in his teaching style and what he teaches his students for life outside of the classroom.

I mean look at this awesome speech

(note: Corey, Shawn, and Topanga are on a quiz show that used to be very highly academic and now it is all based upon pop culture)

Later in the episode, the three realize that Feeny is right. That the "information" they are learning isn't very useful to them in the real world.


Now, we could get into a discussion about if students really need to learn about Gutenberg or not but Feeny does bring up an amazing point.

My students know how to use Twitter, SnapChat, Tumblr, and basically every other social network in existence with no problem at all. Yet, when I ask them to do research, they stare at me blankly. They don't know how to utilize the tool given to them in order to enrich themselves. They just know how to make sure their selfie is seen by hundreds of people.

Imagine if they harnessed that power and ability to learn more. Not just learn more about Gutenberg but maybe learn more about the things that interest them (beyond reality TV). I want my students to see their laptops as more than just game centers. I want them to see them as a gateway to learning. I want them to learn about things that will help them like creativity. I want them to imagine and design using the technology they know so well. I want them to better themselves not dumb themselves down.

I want to be like Feeny and teach my students this. I just need to figure out how.

What Does the PISA Report Tell Us About U.S. Education? Part 1 of 4

With exams finishing up and break fast approaching, I finally have time to breathe for a moment and actually discuss the PISA results.

PISA stands for Programme for International Student Assessment (yes, the British version of the word "program") which tests 15 year-old students in reading, writing, and math every three years. The first test was given in 2000 and it scores and ranks roughly 30 countries in these categories. As you may guess, the USA has never been at the top nor have we been at the bottom. Our students score "average" and have been every year. We are at the bottom of the "developed" countries which doesn't make us look good at all.

Test like the PISA are used in the United States to cry out for action to change things by using the same methods we used last time because it has to work eventually!

I wish I was kidding.

This year, Arne Duncan, our Secretary of Education, decided to use these test scores as proof that we need the Common Core standards and evaluations. The evaluation side of this is eerie similar to the ones No Child Left Behind (NCLB) or Race to the Top (RT) implemented. Standardized tests run by publishing and testing companies that, unless you are white and middle to upper middle class, you will struggle with passing.

The PISA has also caused people who know nothing about teaching to come up with ideas that have been tired since 2000 and obviously haven't done jack since our scores have been roughly the same.

Instead of me breaking down the PISA into numbers and facts which, face it, will take the English teacher way too many hours to do, I have linked a video below put together by American Federation of Teachers (AFT). It is a great 5 minute video and not a waste of time if you actually care about education.





If you didn't actually watch the video because you are like my students and would hope I would summarize it for you, you are actually in luck. Below are the 5 things people claim after seeing this report.

1. US student performance is dropping
2. US spends the most on education
3. Teachers are overpaid for the amount of work they do
4. The US does not have good teachers
5. Teachers unions are evil

I actually want to dive deeper into some of these reasons beyond what the video provides which is why I'm splitting up my posts. Over the next week or two, I'll actually do some research on some of these things beyond what the video does and since some I'm a little more passionate about, I'm not doing the reasons in order. So below is the order I'll be handling it with the myths I find the most annoying for last.

1. Teacher unions are evil
2. The US does not have good teachers
3. US spends the most on education
4. US student performance is dropping
5. Teachers are overpaid for the amount of work they do

Myth #1: Teacher unions are evil

To be honest, I do not have much experience with teacher unions. I work in a private school that is in a right-to-work state so there isn't even a union at my school. However, we talked about teacher unions at length during my undergrad program and currently in my grad program (which is filled with teachers that are in unions). I frankly do not have time to do the research required to give you facts that come from other locations besides anti-union politicians and the actual unions themselves. So what I'll give you is my opinion.

Teacher unions are not "evil." The reason why they exist is because people who have zero experience with education think they can run education. Some of these people do so with the best intentions while others seem to just hate teachers (which to me says they had to have been a bad student who thought they were the best thing since sliced bread but in reality weren't but that's another story). If teachers unions weren't there fighting against the NCLB or RT evaluations, we would be even worse off then where we currently are. If you want to stop fighting teacher unions, give education back to the people who know what they are doing. 

"But it is my children so I should have a say!"

Yes, a say. You can voice your ideas and opinions. Teachers work better when parents do this and teachers are able to actually work with the parents. The problem comes in when the "say" becomes the "law." You don't know what you're doing when it comes to teaching. Maybe parenting, but not teaching. So yes, you can give your opinions but when teachers explain why something won't work or fight against the horrible idea, don't sit there and think the teacher is wrong. They have the degree. You don't. You can't always be right.

Teacher unions are only perceived to be "evil" because they have to fight for their rights. Stop treating teachers as sub par and maybe the "power" that teachers unions want/have won't be as high.

Bullied or Not?

The issue of bullying has been in the news so much the past few years. Laws have even been passed because of it.

I'm all for stopping bullying but my question becomes when do these laws and sensitivity go too far?

On Friday I had two issues of students complaining about bullying. One kid has constantly been picked on and snapped by calling another kid a "mother fu××er" in front of me. I have written up this kids bulliers for tormenting him and have defended him. The kids that pick on him do so because they like to get a kick out of him suffering.

That is clear bullying because the kid that is being bullied is obviously frustrated and doesn't like it. I do everything in my power to stop it.

Then we come to issue of another student in another class. This student is sometimes teased but the student always teases back. He laughs at himself and pokes fun at others. Apparently, the teasing bothers another student that sits there him. So much so that this student felt the need to say something to me about it.

This is where we cross into a gray area. The student being teased seems to be able to not only handle it but dish it out. So unless students are laughing at him about other stuff that I don't see, I'm not really sure this is bullying.

On the flip side, the kid being teased could be hiding how much it hurts. Then it would be bullying. But the kid might not tell me. So should I do something about it? If I do and I'm over reacting that's horrible. But if I do nothing and this kid is bothered by it then I'm horrible for doing nothing.

People will say take the "safe" route and write up the kids that are doing the teasing. But what if it is just innocent teasing? I'm then going to ruin the kids reputation by labeling them as a bully.

It is a hard situation to be in as a teacher. I know that when I was bullied, I never said anything but I was never able to dish it back to my attackers. I would just put my head down. It infuriated me that my teachers didn't notice my obvious downtrodden mood. Which is why I loom for that. This student doesn't seem downtrodden or depressed or angry. So is he being bullied?

If he doesn't think he is but other people say he is, should I do something?

This is the part of my job that I hate.