I'm Not Superwoman and 3 Other Things I Learned This Week

So I may or may not have had a slight break down last week.

It was one of those weeks where I was not only emotionally compromised due to the anniversary of the death of a coworker and friend, but my grades were due and a bunch of stuff for grad school was due as well.

The only shining beacon is that spring break started last Friday.

::cue sounds of angels singing::

I am the type of person that decompresses by being alone. Unfortunately, Saturday and Sunday were spent with family and friends from out of town so it was not until Monday that I actually got to decompress.

In the past two days I have drank some wine, slept A LOT, drank a little more wine, read for pleasure, drank just one more glass of wine, and finally was able to gain perspective on the entire ordeal.

In total, I learned five things. I'm going to put them in a list because I love lists.*

What Daily(ish) Teacher Has Learned Since Last Thursday

1. I am not superwoman.....

I wish I could stay on top of my grading AND my grad work while I am coaching softball (with no assistant coach ::cue crazy smile::) all while still having a social life. Needless to say something had to give and sadly, the thing that gave was my sanity.

I can't do it all.

I can't do it all.

I can't do it all.

I say it over and over again because I can actually say it now. Growing up, my mother and I would get into the biggest fights ever because I would refuse to ask for help because I didn't want to seem broken or weak.** I have slowly gotten better over the years but it took until this moment to fully realize that I really can't do everything.

By far, one of toughest things to learn is your own failings.

2. ....but I am superwoman to my students

I have talked before about how my students value me beyond what I'm teaching them in the classroom and although that is nice, it isn't what made me think of that this time.

On Thursday, we had a half day and I happened to have all of my sophomore classes that day. The day before, their research project that they have all been stressing over was due.

I could have given them some bonus assignment on Shakespeare (our next unit) or actually tried to teach. Instead, I gave them coloring pages.

Yes, I gave a bunch of 15 and 16 year old students coloring pages.

They were beyond excited.

As they walked out, a lot of them said to me "Thank you. I really needed this" with a look of gratefulness on their face.

Although I am not superwoman, I just saved my students from having a break down by giving them 30 minutes of freedom from high school

I even got in on the stress relieving drawing craze

3. Laughing is vital to survival

If it wasn't for laughing, last week would have been worse off. And, it isn't just about yourself laughing, it is about making others laugh as well.

For example, I am an avid Doctor Who fan and so is one of my fellow English teachers. When the Weeping Angels came up on my daily calendar of Doctor Who villains, I freaked but knew I had to play a practical joke on my coworker since she was also dealing with stressed out sophomores. So this is what I put in her grade book when she wasn't in her classroom

If you have no idea why this is freaky, see the video below***. Regardless, for any Doctor Who fan, this is something that is going to make you jump and freak out as it did to my coworker in the middle of her class.

I know her sense of humor so I had no fear she would laugh. It was a good and much needed laugh for her which also helps me because I know for a moment that I brought a smile to someone's face.

4. My students will constantly surprise me

I felt like giving up. I was realizing why nearly half of teachers leave the profession within the first 5 years.

It is stressful. It is time consuming. It is emotionally draining because of how much you care.

You care and you care and you care yet you feel like this article from The Onion (that has NSFW language).

Recently, I gave them an assignment to look at a story from a different perspective and create a podcast about it. The goal was to put them in the shoes of someone else and to see the story through their eyes. I was expecting kids to do this last second and not put a lot of thought into it and just tell the same story I had heard over, and over again.

Although I got that, I also got some really really really awesome ones that made me so happy. The stories they were able to retell were AMAZING. They really grasped the concept of a podcast and two boys, who are on the quiet side, were able to actually tell a story in an amazing way. I put together a video of their podcasts so you can enjoy my student's work as much as I do.

Seriously, It is wonderful and I was pleasantly surprised. It is times like this that I remember why I do what I do.


I learned that I love teaching and even though I am stressed, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

*if you think that is strange you have obviously never hung around teachers who, by nature, break EVERYTHING down into lists for students.

**The short version: I knew I was smart but hated that I just couldn't remember to do or complete things which I felt made me appear dumb so I refused to ask for help since I wanted to prove that I could do it. Curses of ADD

***Yeah, I'm just giving you a link to the video and not embedding it because they freak me out too much. Go here to get the short version as to what they are.

Believing in Angels

I have freshmen essays to grade and the new season of House of Cards is calling my name.* In an effort to remain productive in someway, I have decided to write a blog post.

I could continue on why life isn't fair but, as I've learned over the last year, one of the best ways not to fall into a deep vortex of life sucking is to find positive things.

Last night, my boyfriend and I were watching a stand up comedian named Matt Braunger. Like most comedians, he was talking about how he has been going through some depressing things. His way through this hard stuff is by believing in angels**. As he says, angels are "anything that makes you laugh when you don't think you can possibly laugh."

I love this term. So, I'm going to borrow it and expand it a little to include things that made me smile and give you a few angels in my life that have helped over the past week.

The 3 Angels in Dailyish Teacher's Life the Past Week

1. Hungry Hungry Hippos: Alright, I know. You may be saying to yourself "Why on Earth would a board game be your angel?" I wouldn't blame you if you did. But watch this video to see why:
   
   
   Post by Brittney Lauren.
   
   
   Okay so that video was posted by a coworker on Facebook with the caption, "Alright we need to do this at the next pep rally" and tagged over 30 teachers and admin. The best part about this is that EVERYONE was game to do it. So much so that I think we convinced the head of student life to plan it even though she is out on maternity leave. If this actually happens, I will be so pumped! Even if it doesn't happen, it still makes me laugh because of how awesome it is and how awesome the teachers/faculty are at that school for doing it. I'm so game for life size Hungry Hungry Hippo
   
2. Twitter: Again, this may seem strange but I'm very thankful for Twitter. I constantly search for my name on Twitter to see what the kids are saying about me. This may seem narcissistic but I do it for two reasons: 1) Teenagers tend to use Twitter to vent and if they are saying bad things about me then I know I'm doing something wrong and 2) If they are saying bad things about me, I can use it not to just change but to make it a lesson in digital citizenship and being aware of what is put out on the Internet. Anyway, I mentioned the other day how I wrote sympathy cards to my students. I didn't expect to hear from them at all but low and behold, when I searched my name tonight this gem popped up:
   
   
   
   I made a difference. I know it was small but to these teenagers, it meant the world which is why I do what I do.





3. Love, Teach: Oh my gosh do I love her posts. Every single one makes me either laugh out loud or go "awwww." Mostly they make me laugh out loud. Still, she is one of my angels.*** Seriously, look at these Facebook updates:
   
   
   Post by Love, Teach.
   
   
   
   
   Post by Love, Teach.
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   Post by Love, Teach.
   
   
   
   
   
   Post by Love, Teach.


Are you not entertained?! Seriously though, go read her blog. I promise you will love it.

It always amazes me how much social media can make my day. Without it, I would never have been able to laugh and smile this past week. Thank you Facebook and Twitter. You've been amazing.

"Loss of life is to be mourned but only if that life was wasted" ~Spock
Live Long and Prosper Leonard Nimoy

*The essays make me want to jump off a bridge at times and House of Cards kind of promotes doing that, or at least pushing someone off of it....needless to say not a good combination.

**Watch the clip. It is hilarious. Just be aware, some language is NSFW so you may not want to pull it up on your lunch break without head phones.

***Nominated for Best Education Blog for the Webblog Awards. You should go vote for her. http://2015.bloggi.es/

All About Taking Risks

I love my job and I love my school.

Why?

I have a wonderful gift of freedom to allow my creative side shine. Yes, I have to adhere to a curriculum but I do not have to give the same exact assignment as my fellow teachers.

Does this mean that my students may not focus on the same thing as the other freshmen and sophomores in another teacher's English class?

Yes

Is that a bad thing?

No.

With literature, there is so much you can teach that you have to pick and choose the larger picture part which allows for each teacher to teach what they enjoy about the readings from the curriculum and teach it how they want to teach it.

This allows me to use techniques and tools that I believe will reach out to my kids.

In the past, I have used memes, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Pintrest with various degrees of success depending upon the lesson I was trying to have the students learn. Some lessons bombed and didn't do what I thought they would. Others were better than I could ever imagine.

Most recently, I have started having my students blog. With my sophomores, I had them mimic the style of the poems we were reading in class and then, in another unit, write about and reflect upon a particular theme that appears in the novel.

The poems worked fairly well but my sophomores seem to struggle with the reflection aspect. I know they are reading because they have lively discussions in class. The problem seems to be that they are afraid of writing especially when I don't tell them exactly what I want them to write.

This is a constant struggle I have with my sophomores. They are so afraid of being "wrong" that they are afraid of trying. Currently, the use of the blogs is only achieving the goal I want with only a few students.

However, I have faith that if I force them to keep with it, they will finally start to open up and reflect upon everything.

I know this because of my freshmen.

My freshmen were told to reflect upon The Odyssey as we read it in class. They started off timid; not really sure what to write. As time went on, the blog posts got better. They began to rant about Odysseus and the gods. They would try to tackle what they should have done and the motivations behind the characters actions. They well exceeded the 300 word limit and they were wonderful to read. I was (and am) so proud of them. Now, as we read Oedipus, they are much more open about debating in class. The class discussions have gotten better all because they learned to express their feelings through a blog that is not only personal but feels safe since there is no one making faces at them or giggling when they voice their opinion. They gain the confidence they needed to be able to find the excitement in English.

I can never be that teacher that does the same thing over and over and over and over again. I want to be the teacher that takes risks and is constantly trying to find new ways to reach out to their students. Not only do I want to be that teacher that takes risks, but I want other teachers to do the same.

Why?

Because if we all take risks, we'll be more willing to work together and only together can we change the things that we need to change about education.

Finding Meaning in the Crazy

My life is crazy.

No, really.

I teach 9th and 10th graders full time. I have 6 classes for a total of 121 students. Not only that, but I teach English which means my grading takes at LEAST twice as long to complete than the average math or science teacher.

I am also enrolled in grad school full time. Yes, full time. 9 credits. Luckily it is my last semester.

I also am the head JV softball coach. "That isn't so bad. You have assistants to help you out." Yeah...not so much this year. The assistant varsity coach will be on maturity leave during the season so the head varsity coach took my assistant coach thus leaving me with no full time assistant this year. It is also very difficult to find a replacement because there are not that many people who can get off work at 3pm every single day.

So yes, my life is completely crazy. My boyfriend and I get into stupid fights because "I don't make time for him" but he "doesn't want me to give up what I love"

Which means I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I've learned the only way to combat this feeling of complete craziness is to remember why you got into the crazy in the first place. If you can't remember why, then you should just cut it out of your life.

Softball
I have been involved with softball since I was 5. I played it until I was 18. My freshmen year of college, I missed it so much that I found a local team to help coach. I was an assistant varsity coach for three years. After college, I came back home. I decided not to coach my first year teaching because I figured that would be too crazy even for me. I realized I missed it way to much.

Last year, the JV coach left and they needed someone. I stepped up to the plate* and decided to coach knowing full well I would have to balance grad school as well as teaching.

It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

The girls were a blast to work with and that intense happy/satisfied feeling softball brought me as a player came back as a coach. Not coaching would leave me with a hole that can only be filled by softball.

Grad School
Obviously, I can't just "quit" grad school. Even though I can't get rid of it, I have to remind myself why I do it.

I do it because I want to learn more about profession. I want to become a better teacher. I want to impact my students in new ways. I don't want to become the boring, old, repetitive teacher; I want to constantly be current and engaging.

Even though it drives me crazy every once and a while, grad school is important to everything I do.

Teaching
The burnout rate for teachers is less than 5 years.

I'm in year 4 and I can completely relate to that statistic.

I am constantly tired because I stay at school for over 12 hours. I work on the weekends and sometimes freak out when I don't. I've gotten better at making sure I set aside time for myself but it is difficult when I feel like I don't have enough hours in a day to do my job well.

Every time I think I reach my breaking point, something happens to remind me why I teach. This time it was an argument.

My sophomores are reading Things Fall Apart. Like most assigned reading for school, my students were not excited to read the novel. However, due to my hard work in grad school, I was able to devise a unit that would at least force the students to read and not rely upon SparkNotes.

On Friday, they were assigned various aspects of the Ibo culture to examine and draw conclusions about based upon what is presented in the novel. Two of those topics were "manhood" and "womanhood." My students began to debate, totally unprompted by me, about Okonkwo and if he really was "manly" or not. They were using examples from the text and finally agreed that it depended upon the definition of "manly" that was used.

They were not only reading but having an emotional response to the reading. They were exploring the human concept of "strength" and "weakness" on their own. They were doing everything I had hoped they would do and more.

It seems small and it seems insignificant but, it the meaning in my crazy. It is the reason I do what I do and it is the reason that, although I'm exhausted, I'm no where near burned out.

The Power of Positive Emails

I am not a fan of Mondays.

I am in at work even earlier than normal in order to combat the frazzled feeling I will get coming back from the weekend and not feeling prepared.

Even when I get into work early, I still end up feeling a little frazzled somehow. Today was no different with my students being just as frazzled as I was.

Normally, at the end of Mondays, I just sit at my desk for a few minutes and go on Imgur, Facebook, something mindless.

Today I decided to do something different. I decided to make a student and parent's Monday.

There is a sophomore that I had last year as a freshmen. Bright kid just very forgetful and unorganized. They would constantly have missing assignments or work turned in late which frustrated their parents to no end.

I have them again this year and it is a complete turn around. There are no missing or late assignments and it is obvious tests and quizzes have been studied for. The student is currently earning an "A-"

I decided to email their parents, while cc'ing the student, informing them that I am very proud of their child. The repsonse back was immediate and happy:

Thank you so much!  It is wonderful to hear!

You made our Monday!



Yes, my school has live grading so yes, my parents can easily log in to see how their child is doing. I could have easily assumed that the parents are doing this. For all I know, they are and are fully aware of their child's grade. However, just this little email validated what they see. It made what otherwise is a crappy day by default into something to smile about.

Now, with 120 students, there is no way I can constantly do this. The time it would take me to compose a "happy" email for each student a week would be insane. However, I'm totally for this when a teacher sees something extraordinary. It reminds me of the Taylor Mali poem "What Teachers Make"* and the line where he says:

"I make parents see their children for who they are/
And who they can be"

I knew what this child could be. I've known since last year. Yeah, a grade can tell the parents what their child could be but by sending that one, small, little email, I am able to make them see who their child is not just a number in the gradebook.

It is why I teach. It is why I love my job even on Mondays and even when I complain.

I wouldn't trade it for the world.


*If you have never heard this poem, below is a drawing of it done by Zen Pencils and also a video of the poem performed by Taylor Mali himself

A Letter to My First Year Self

Dear First Year Self

Time for the big leagues. You made it through student teaching in two completely different atmospheres and you feel like you can handle anything.

You're wrong.

You thought you were tired before; you have no idea what tired means. You will pull an all nighter grading assignments not due to your procrastination but due to a mixture of not knowing how to stagger your assignments and not knowing how to grade quickly and effectively at the same time.

You will have parents that drive you crazy and make you doubt your ability to do your job. Don't let them get you down. Don't be afraid to ask your fellow teachers how to handle the situations in the future and if the parent is right. Sometimes they are but are just jerks about it. It doesn't mean you're a bad teacher. It means you have to learn and grow just like your students.

You'll have moments that you just want to give up. You'll have these moments more than you'll like to admit.

That's okay.

Just make sure you don't keep it locked inside. That's when you'll start believing it. Chances are, your fellow teachers feel the same way or have and can help you get out of your funk. Reach out. I know you like to be alone but you have to reach out. It's the only way you'll survive.

The biggest thing you got wrong about the entire teaching jig has nothing to do with parents or burnout.

The biggest thing you got wrong was this:

You'll care more, have more patience, keep a level head, and be inspired more than you ever thought possible.

The kids will say stupid things and drive you up a wall nearly every day but also nearly every day, they will do something that will make you want to brag to your friends about your proud teacher moments.

Even though you'll want to scream, you'll shock yourself at how you're able to take a deep breath, calm yourself down, and react in a rational manner. You'll be blown away how you don't let the teenage challenges get under your skin. You'll then be blown away at how much respect the students give you because you don't blow up on them like their parents.

You have some challenging moments ahead. Moments where you have to be strong for your students because you're the one they came to because they trust you. Moments where all you want to do is scream at how cruel people can be and scream because life isn't fair.

It is in these moments that you'll be shocked at how well you're able to handle the situations. More importantly, you'll be shocked at how well your students handle them when they are too young to be dealing with situations. It is in those moments that you'll know this is the job for you.

Stick it out first year self. The moments of doubt will become fewer and the moments of inspiration and happiness will become greater.

Love

Your 4th year self

Why I Teach

It is the end of the year which means teachers are super busy (hence my lack of posts). We are trying to finalize grades, manage students bouncing off the wall (literally and figuratively), clean our classroom, mange parents who just now realized their child is not doing the greatest, give exams, grade exams, and keep our sanity in tact.

In all of this craziness, it becomes very easy to lose sight of why I do my job.

Then things snap me back and remind me, that despite all of the above stresses, I do this job because I love it.

I do this job because it is important.

I do this job because it is hard but someone has to be there for the kids.

I do this job because it makes a difference.

No, I do not work in a school where kids are facing economic hardships that make it difficult for them to go to school. I do not teach those that are homeless and struggle to find a place to sleep at night. I do not teach kids who are constantly hungry because their parents struggle to afford food.

I may not teach the disadvantaged but I still teach teenagers. Teenagers who are emotional. Teenagers who suffer loss. Teenagers who suffer betrayal. Teenagers who suffer from inner demons.

Teenagers.

I forget that sometimes because, by nature, teenagers are guarded. They are hyper-aware of the fact that their classmates judge them about everything from their clothes and hair to the way they reacted to a detention to the amount of school work they do. They don't always show me their struggle but I play a huge role in their struggle whether I realize that or not.

Two examples in the past two days have reminded me as to why I do my job and that I impact my students no matter what I may think. The first one is from a student I know was struggling all year. Not academically but personally. Their most recent journal entry brought me to tears because they were finally realizing how beautiful life can be.

"I looked at things I did on a daily basis, and realized: this really should not be that stressful, and so I changed it."

This one, single, line made happy. The entire journal entry made me beam with pride. Pride that they were able to see how good life can be. I know I was impacting this student's life because they have spent their entire study hall in my classroom talking to me and asking for advice. Regardless, I am proud that they are slowly starting to overcome everything.

The second example of why I teach came from what a student wrote in my year book. I have had this student for two years. They are quiet and don't volunteer a lot of personal information. They are smart but sometimes don't do their work. Although they may not be the best academic student, they are one of the nicest students I have ever taught. I never knew if I connected with them because they are so quiet. Then, they left this in my yearbook (I blacked out my own name)

It continues on to just say that they hope to have me senior year and to have a good summer.

When I read this, I was floored. I knew the student didn't hate me but I had no idea that I had actually made that big of an impact in their life. I go in and do my best to try to teach them poetry and Shakespeare and literary terms. I also try and teach them honesty in that I would rather they tell me that they just didn't feel like doing the homework or forgot to instead of making up excuses. I try to teach them to write a paper. I also try to teach them to always explain themselves and why they made a particular decision. I try to be a role model. Not in the sense that I'm perfect but in the sense that I own up to any mistakes I make and fix them. I try to teach them that "I'm sorry" carries almost no meaning and that changing the behavior or action that caused you to feel the need to say it is way more important then two words. 

I never knew that was getting through to some of my students until I read this. 

This is why I teach. I teach because it makes a difference. Even if that difference is only in a handful of students a year, it matters. 

I may complain about the pay (I can't even afford an apartment on my own) and about my students (a bunch wrote about how Romeo compares Juliet to an angle) but those are annoyances. Daily distractions from the real reason I do this job.

I teach to make a difference even if I don't always know that difference is happening.

Why I Love Teaching

Per my last post, it is obvious it has been a trying week for me at school. Not only have I been having a hard time, but some students have been struggling due to being close to the teacher that passed away since they were in Model UN which was the club the teacher proctored. On Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, there were times where I had another teacher cover my classes so I could sit and let these girls talk. Or the girls would have study hall and just come in my room and relax so that they would not have to be in complete silence (like our study hall requires).

Beginning on Friday, the girls that were struggling as well as some other juniors that I had taught for two years in a row, started to stop by to ask me how I was doing. It isn't that they were over their grief, it was that they knew I was grieving as well.

This past week has been one of the hardest of my life so I tried to think of something positive. It wasn't hard today to realize that the most positive thing in my life is teaching. Yeah, it is stressful and there are days I want to scream due to losing patience with my students, but overall, I enjoy it. So to remind myself that there are positive things in life and to have a less depressing post, I present you with the following list.

5 Reasons Why I Love Teaching

1. My students that I currently have. One of them sent me the following picture in an email to try and make me feel better. I printed it out in color and it is now hanging on my door to remind everyone else as well. Not only did I receive this but they have also been super patient with me both in class and outside of it. They have been on their best behavior recently and they haven't bugged me about why I haven't gotten their tests graded that they took on Monday. They know I'm struggling so they are giving me time and space. Regardless of the times when annoy me, in general I care about my students and it is nice to know that they care about me.
   
   
      
2. My former students. So many juniors (juniors because I taught the majority of them two years in a row) have stopped by my classroom to use the scented hand sanitizer that I keep on my desk as an excuse to ask me how I'm doing. Most of them are on a "bathroom break" from their class so that they could just pop in to ask me if I was okay. One even made me the card/picture below (the blurry parts are my doing to blur out names). I started to tear up at it because I knew they cared about me.
   
   
       
3. Students I haven't even taught. The girls that are struggling from Model UN knew I was close to the teacher so they have been coming to me for comfort since they know I feel just like they do. I have never taught any of them. This morning, they cam in with cookies (because I need to make sure I eat) and a card. I was yet again reminded of how many lives I touched just by doing my job even if the part of my job I'm doing isn't the actual "teaching" part. The card read:
   
   You have no idea how much your support has meant to us. An escape to your room may seem simple, but it helped SO much to get away, even just for a few minutes. It helps so much to talk to someone who understands. I hope you are getting better everyday, and know that you meant a lot to him. He'll always be watching over us, and, if you need anything, or just a hug, we'll always be here for you. #MUNislife
      
4. Influencing every day. What this event has taught me is that I'm influencing students every day even if I don't realize it. It is sometimes hard to realize why I do my job or if I'm actually impacting students since many times they just sit there and stare. I'm never actually sure if what I'm trying to teach them gets through. This past week, however, I know for a fact that I have at least taught them compassion. They may not remember why Moore wrote Utopia but they know when a person is suffering and actually care.
         
5. I am surprised everyday. Sometimes these surprises are upsetting like learning a student has depression, that I didn't expect, or that they had a parent that passed away. However, most of the time, I am surprised in a good way such as learning that my students care so much or that they made sure they learned the material so I wouldn't get frustrated at them. Sometimes it is as small as learning that one of my students actually finds my jokes funny or remembered the fact I had told them the previous day in class. Regardless, I love that my students can surprise me every day and that, for the most part, it is a good surprise. I wouldn't trade that for the world. 

Lessons from Feeny: You're Your Own Enemy

We recently got a lot of snow so we yet again had snow days and yet again I decided to binge watch on Boys Meets World which means I am getting more lessons on teaching from Feeny.

In the 5th season, there is an episode titled "The Eskimo." The premise of the episode is that Feeny gets very annoyed that Shawn is doing nothing his senior year because "he has learned it all," Corey won't stop trying to take care of him, and Topanga won't stop butting into the boys' lives. He gives them all their own assignments: Shawn must get Super Bowl tickets, Topanga must butt out of the boys' lives, and Corey is to make sure they all succeed. If they don't complete these assignments, they will fail. This proves to be a nearly impossible task.

Shawn almost is able to get the tickets by standing out in the cold but is beaten by an Eskimo. They assume the message is that "as long as we try we will be fine." So they go back to Feeny with this message and he asks where the Super Bowl tickets are. The gang becomes frustrated and try to figure out what Feeny is actually trying to teach them. Shawn realizes that at every point in his life, there has been "an Eskimo" in his way and he has always given into the fact that his hardship will win. He is determined to prove Feeny wrong and says he is going to San Diego (they are in Philly) to get the tickets. Corey tries to stop him because it is crazy but Shawn tells him to get out of the way and Corey does. 

Corey and Topanga report back to Feeny that they failed because Shawn went even though they said for him not to. Feeny smiles and tells them 

"Shawn isn't going to go to college and succeed because you want him to. He has to want to and believe that he can. And the only way he can do that is on his own." ~Feeny

"Then why did you want me to help him?" ~ Corey

"You need to know that you won't always be able to" ~Feeny

"Yeah, pretty soon we're all going to have to do stuff on our own without someone's help. Right Mr. Feeny? I think I know why you're going to keep giving us assignments until our last day with you." ~Topanga

"You're butting in Ms. Lawrence." ~ Feeny

"So fail me. That's life." ~Topanga

"But you won't be perfect anymore" ~Feeny

"No one should be perfect. Besides, you learn from failure." ~Topanga

Feeny shows the group that although you love your friends, what is stopping you from truly growing is yourself. Topanga is frightened about not being perfect and this desire for perfection causes her to never learn since she never makes mistakes. Corey learns that he is preventing his best friend from growing by trying to take care of him and Shawn learns that he is the only one standing in his way.

This is a lesson that is very difficult for high school students to learn. They are constantly hounded by their parents that they aren't perfect so they strive for it to the point where that is all they know. This prevents them from ever actually learning a lesson because the idea of failure is so frightening to them that they refuse to take any risks. They are the students that get super upset when they don't get an "A" on their paper. They are so upset that they get angry instead of learning from it. They don't come to ask me how to get the "A" they just complain that it was too hard and give up. Which then moves them into the second group of students. 

If they don't strive for perfection, they do the opposite and say "well, I will never achieve anything because I'm not good" so they become their own worst enemy. Many times I've talked to a student that was failing and they say "I"m just not good at English." I have to look at them and say "How do you know when you don't try?" They shrug and say "I have never been good so why try?"

How do you as a teacher fight this? The years of perfection or the years of being told they are not good? Sadly, there does not seem to be one single good way of doing this because Mr. Feeny is correct; they can only learn that on their own. The best you can do is keep pushing them and believing in them which is a difficult balance. You need to not accept the excuses but you need to tell them "you can do. I know you can." One day, it will click with them. Sometimes it will take two years of pushing them, like one of my students that I taught two years in a row, or sometimes it will only take a few short months. Either way, once they can see that they can do it, they will forever believe it. You just can't give up on them.

Snow Days Are a Wonderful Wonderful Thing

This is the second snow day coming off of a four day weekend for students and three day weekend for teachers.

I love it.

I have gotten grading done and grad school work done. I have been able to do this without being over tired from teaching all day and I have been able to do it in sweats (I think sweatpants should become part of professional attire but that is another issue).

I have also been able to sleep. I went to bed a reasonable hour last night without completing the grading I needed to because I knew I had the day off. I woke up not stressed about what I had to get done because I knew I had time to do it all.

I really wish teaching could be like this all the time. There are too many mornings I wake up dreading the amount of work I have to do. I don't actually dread the teaching just the grading/planning/meetings. You know, the stuff that prevents me from doing the part of my job that I actually really like.

In my ideal world, teachers would have two work days a month. One would be for all the meetings where they tell us what is going to be on the memo that is going to be placed in our mailboxes later and meetings to make sure everyone is on the same page. The second day would be for grading. Just grading.

That would be my heaven.

Regardless of how much work I get done today, these two snow days have allowed me to relax and rejuvenate. I'll go into work tomorrow refreshed and relaxed. I won't be stressed at all.

Until the weekend since my grades are due on Monday morning but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Actually Enjoying the Grading Process?

I am about to say four words that rarely come out of a teacher's mouth:

I am enjoying grading

Seriously. I am enjoying it. I'm currently grading my sophomores Asian Literature Portfolios. For this assignment, students took five different styles of writing that originated in various places in Asia and wrote their own versions. They not only had to write the pieces but explain what the pieces were and how what they wrote fits into that definition. They also had to dedicate the work to someone and give a short bit about themselves as the author. Not only did they write samples of 5 creative writing style but they also were allowed to make up whatever they wanted about themselves as the author. They could have become a Jedi, the doctor who cured cancer, or even a Time Lord. The sky was the limit as long as they kept their name the same.

I am laughing out loud as I read these. Some of my kids are hilarious and some of the kids who are hilarious are the quiet ones in class. They finally have the space to be the funny person they are without having to embarrass themselves. 

I am smiling at how touching some of the dedications are and how thoughtful the writings are. My students may sometimes appear shallow on the outside, but they have so much happening on the inside that they are afraid to show it. They finally have an outlet to express their feelings.

I even shed a tear at how moving one portfolio was. 

My students have written truly inspiring pieces. Out of my 65 sophomores, only 2 did not turn in the assignment. This is the lowest percentage of "missing" I've had to record. My students took the assignment I created and made it their own. 

They not only showed me that they learned something, but they actually enjoyed doing the learning. 

My teacher senses are getting warm and fuzzy because my students have actually enjoyed writing and learning. When my students enjoy what they do, they produce better work. When my students produce better work, I enjoy grading their work.

Now, if I could only figure out a way for them to enjoy writing essays.....

Remember to Breathe

Teachers are crazy busy during the school year. We teach 8 hours a day and then do grading before and after school that averages in hours. Personally I do about 3 to 5 hours of grading outside of my teaching hours during the week. We then also grade on the weekends out of necessity not want.

That is just what we need to do for our job set forth by our contract. We then do things outside of our contract that still fall within school. A lot of us run clubs or help out with school dances or chaperone field trips.

I work the home basketball and football games, moderate the literary magazine,  coach JV softball, and chaperone the Model UN field trips.

With so much going on we, as teachers forget to breathe sometimes.

I'm here to tell you not to forget to breathe. Take one night off of grading and read a book. Maybe cook an amazing dinner. Do a craft. Something besides sit in front of the TV because when you sit in front of the TV, you could grade. Don't make yourself feel guilty over something that should make you feel relaxed.

Never forget to breathe and relaxed because a stressed out teacher just leads to you taking it out on your students even if you don't mean to.

Relax every once and a while. Never forget to breathe.

How to "Relax" While Grading

I am currently the only experienced teacher for two of the three grade levels I teach. Due to this, I get asked a lot of questions about curriculum,  classroom management, and anything else you can think of. I don't mind it at all because it allows me to reflect on my own teaching in a way I never would have before.

I am a third year teacher so I am still fairly new at the whole teaching profession. This year, however, I feel like I have aged ten years since I'm the "experienced" teacher.

Recently,  the biggest question that has been asked of me has been "How do you not lose it while grading exams?"

Our students all have short answer questions where they must answer each question in two paragraphs or more. If you know anything about teaching high school English, you know this can be a very disheartening process due to the utter crap we sometimes get. It becomes very hard not to go crazy.

In the past, I jokingly said "alcohol" to this question. This year, I say it and mean it to the point that I scheduled a "grading party" at the local bar where we sometimes go for after work drinks.

Now, before you jump down my throat,  I'm not advocating being drunk for grading or even having a slight buzz. I'm advocating getting out of the classroom and grading with friends in an atmosphere where you feel relaxed and at ease. You grade better in those conditions.

The four teachers went out and we graded. No, we did not grade as many papers as we would have alone and at school but guess what. At the end of it, we were more relaxed and willing to grade more when we got home then of we had graded alone at school.

Sometimes all it takes is a change of atmosphere to make one of the worst parts of our jobs enjoyable. So the next time you see teachers grading in the bar, don't be offended.  Understand that they need the break from school but can only do so if they grade.

Validation

Today was the type of day where I was struggling to figure out why I do this job.

I had planning first period today and didn't get anything done that I wanted to because I had to meet with another teacher. What should have taken 5 minutes turned into 30 so I ended up wasting almost my entire planning period.

Not only that but my students are slowly going stir crazy which means they are starting to bounce off the walls in class. Not only that, but I caught a student cheating today as well as another one misusing their computer (we are a 1-to-1 school). So I had to write two detentions.

I had 30 emails in my inbox from various people. Most from parents that have seemed to have only recently discovered our online grade book with live grading. They are suddenly wondering why their child is failing when they could see all the missing homework assignments. The others are from students that are realizing that their interim grade will get them in trouble (grades were due this morning) so they now decide to take an interest in their academic performance.

One of these parent emails was questioning if their child really received a 13/15 on a pop quiz dealing with MLA citations. The reason they were questioning was because I had put in the directions "all or nothing." I responded back saying that when I didn't say that on the first quiz, I got total crap back (I said this in a much more professional manner don't worry) so I figured I would scare them into giving me the correct citation. Needless to say it worked because 90% of my sophomores gave me a citation that was either perfect or near perfect. I had no idea what type of response I would get back from this parent, so when I saw that he responded to me my email, I held my breath. I opened it to find this:

      Yes, thank you.  That does clear up things, if not assuage my concerns.  Couple of things, first both my wife and I support you (and the other faculty) 100% - we stand by your calls.  Secondly, I place English, specifically writing composition, as equally important as any STEM course work.  I continually find the engineers and scientist I work with needing my help putting their message on paper in a succinct and grammatically correct manner.   Also, as far as the students these days need subtle threats to get their attention, what’s up with that?  It used to work on me, but the kids these days are impervious.  All joking aside, thank you for making our children think, and we really appreciate the job you are doing.

 I had to read the email a couple of times to make sure that I had read it correctly and to let it sink in. It isn't every day that you get an email telling you that what you're doing has meaning and a purpose. Especially from a parent.

This gave me the validation I needed and reminded me that what I do does have a purpose and it isn't just about babysitting crazy kids and bowing to demands of parents. I am actually attempting to teach my students something valuable in life.

I will save this email forever so that when I need a pick me up, I can just look at it and remember.

All you parents out there, if you think your child's teacher is doing a good job, tell them. You never know how much better you can make a teacher's day with a simple five minute email.

How to Stay Positive While Grading the Soul Sucking Thing that is Student Essays

Beautiful and cold Sunday in December. Perfect for cuddling on the couch, in front of a fire, and watching football.

What am I doing?

Grading thesis essays.

Grading essays is the hardest part of my job. Okay well, not the hardest in terms of difficultly of doing, because, frankly, it is quite easy to sit there and read the essays since they are written by freshmen. What makes them the hardest is the fact that no matter how long I stand up there in class and tell students how to write a good paper or how many times I allow them to sign up to come see me for help on writing their paper, these papers are still a struggle to grade because they don't listen to what I say or take my offer for help seriously.

That is the most frustrating thing about grading thesis essays. I have been teaching for three years and I still can't get over the frustration that grading essays causes.

In this particular case, I spent 5 days in class teaching them how to write. We wrote a sample essay as a class and I gave my students a step by step guide on how to write a well thought out thesis essay.

Not only did I spend 5 lessons on this, I also was available before and after school for the two weeks students had to write their essays. I had a sign up sheet since they are freshmen and need a little push to have them come talk to teachers.

Only a handful signed up.

The first year I did this, I was full of dreams and expectations that students would come rushing to sign up and follow my directions step by step.

Of course, as do most dreams you have while teaching, these dreams were crushed.

Last year, aka year two, I had the same dreams with the though that "It is a new batch of students and they will surely follow every step."

Yet again, I was wrong.

So when I did it this year, aka year three, I had zero expectations and, if this is even possible, had negative expectations. How am I supposed to stay positive when none of my students take my help?

Then it hit me: The writing process isn't about the paper, it is about the student's attitude. My students hear me but they don't listen. They take the notes but they don't follow them.

Why?

Because they are teenagers. Not just any teenagers, but young teenagers who are navigating the tricky world of new friends, new drama, new feelings, new everything. They are concerned about school but not education. They care about turning in the essay but they don't realize that all those things I have said about paper writing applies to them because they have more important things on their minds.

You and I both know that these things they are concerned with won't be important in 10 years but you try telling that to a teenager.

So, what caused me to come to this startling realization? The freshmen I had in year one are now juniors. They are writing more and more complex papers for English, for history, for science, for every subject they have. More than one has come back to me, their lowly freshmen English teacher, and have asked me to look at their essay. When I ask them why me and not their current teacher, they reply with something along the lines of:

"I just remember you taking the time to teach me how to write. I didn't listen because I was a freshmen and didn't believe you when you said that I would need to know this later. I need your help now. Hopefully you're willing to help me."

(Granted, it isn't as eloquent as that usually but you get the gist.)

The students that crushed my dreams are now restoring them. Granted, they are two years late but they finally came through.

That is how I stay positive and keep doing what I have been doing. They aren't ignoring me now because they don't recognize my willingness to help; they have put the information in their brain but it just hasn't processed yet because other things are taking up the room.

I can't give up just because I haven't helped them now. I have to stay positive because they will eventually grow as a person and realize that I have been trying to help them all along, even if it is two years later.

That is how I stay positive will grading these essays which is exactly what I am going to continue to do now as I watch football out of the corner of my eye.