10 Problems Only Teachers Will Understand

Being a teacher is classified as a "white collar" job. Somethings are the same; we have contracts like most other professions and have assigned hours we have to be at work. We also have to have meetings and do reports.

However, our days are super unique in that there are a lot of events and problems that other "white collar" jobs, specifically those that occur in an office, will never understand.

I am lucky in the sense that two of my best friends are teachers so when I complain about this stuff, they understand me and can relate. When I complain to my boyfriend, he kind of stares at me bewildered that these things happen. 

I do apologize if this is pretty high school specific. Although, many elementary teachers will be able to relate to the majority of them.

10 Problems Only Teachers Will Understand

1. Finished reading directions out loud in class. "Does anyone have any questions?" ~teacher "Yeah, I don't understand." ~student "Okay, what don't you understand?" ~teacher "All of it. What are we doing again?" ~student
   
   
   
   
2. Read out loud in class: "In what vile part of this anatomy / Doth my name lodge?" (Romeo and Juliet III.iii) "What does Romeo literally ask for the location of?" ~teacher ::silence:: ~students
   
   
   
   
3. "What do you mean it doesn't make sense? I made sure I used big words so that it would make sense." ~ student "Do you know the definition of the word you used?" ~teacher "No. But why does that matter? It is a smart word" ~student
   
   
   
   
4. The constant murmur of students talking while you're trying to explain directions
   
   
   
   
5. Day after turning in essay: "Did you grade my essay yet?" ~student
   
   
   
   
6. "I don't get it!" ~student "Did you read the directions?" ~teacher "No. But it is still confusing!" ~student
   
   
   
   
   
7. Parent sends an email during 1st period while you are teaching. Check your email the first chance you get three periods later: you have three follow up emails demanding to know why you haven't answered yet
   
   
   
   
8. "My son is smart! Why are you failing him?" ~ parent "He hasn't turned in any assignments or his paper." ~teacher "So? Why is that stuff even important?" ~ parent
   
   
   
   
   
9. "What do you mean you can't go to Taco Tuesday because you have to grade? Don't you get off work at 3pm? Why would you have to do work after you're done with work" ~"friends"
   
   

   

   My actual response to that text message

   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
10. Reviews with class. Offers to stay early and late for help. Constantly asks if the students understand. Class average on test: 65%
    
    

Despite all of this, I still love my job. I must be crazy

Teacher Fight Club

So I had my students, in pairs, write legends about a tradition at the school. I got some awesome/funny/amazing legends. The best one was actually not a legend but a myth. However, it was too funny not to share.

Sit back and enjoy the ridiculousness.

*Note - what you see in bold is my editing out names and replacing it with the department the teacher is from. Otherwise, it is exactly how my students wrote it (grammar mistakes and all).

The Story of the Teacher Fight Club

Did you ever wonder what is under the school & why a majority of teachers wear long sleeves. The teachers wear the long sleeves to cover up the cuts & bruises they get fighting underneath the school in the underground fight club. Run by none other than my mom who happens to work at the school ! Many years ago my mom worked she started the underground fight club with PE teacher. 

The rules were that every teacher must participate in fight club from the very beginning religion teacher was the reigning champion in the beginig years, you can see him walking out of the school late at night to his car a  purple 1975 convertible Cadillac de Ville with cheetah print seats.  but he has fallen off the top because of younger aged teachers that are starting to take title once held for decades.

Teachers were always getting hurt but always had to come up with excuses for their injuries like science teacher & how she said she broke her knee after slamming into the ground was a cover up for when 2nd religion teacher grabbed her picked her up and did a Gutwrench powerbomb onto a table one of the most brutal moves in wrestling this video was leaked and can be seen on worldstarhiphop.com.own footage of these Mystical events.

One of the up coming stars is none other than me it is rumored that she can bench over 4,000 pounds and can be seen on some days doing squats with the bleacher and doing bicep curls with cars. The past 3 years she has destroyed the competition know 32-4 she is undisputedly one of the best in the game and not a force to be reckoned with.

But it wasnt always smooth roads for her in her second fight against the reigning womens champion Momma K they call her (science teacher from earlier) she pulled a michinoku driver with her metal knee totally crushing me bone but was said to only be a ACL tear. ******

This looked like the end of her career for sure but she trained and came back the next year sweeping the competition off there feet she was the underdog and two years later is one of the best in the game another powerhouse in the feather weight womens division is fellow English teacher also known as the flying Squirrel with her speed and agility she is a big contender for the title this years.







******I actually had ACL surgery last school year. I wish I tore it this way.

Re-titled Novels and Plays

My sophomores drove me up a wall yesterday when I assigned an essay. Some of the things that came out of their mouths hurt my soul* but one thing that they said, not only hurt my soul, but gave me this blog idea.

While assigning the essay on Middle Eastern and African literature, one of my students made the connection back to Things Fall Apart. However, they did not say "Things Fall Apart," they said "That book about that guy that killed himself because of some white guys or something."

Yes, I'm sure that is what the novel is titled.

This lead to an idea.

What if high school students titled novels/plays?

So, using the knowledge of what my students have said in the past, I have put together some titles of famous novels that we read at my school as if they were titled by my students.

Sadly, I could keep going but I must stop before it gets out of hand and I neglect my grading.


*Here is why: I assigned the thesis essay using the same requirements I have used all year and that were used their freshmen year since it is a department policy and just common writing sense. (If you don't know what they are, go here. It will help) These quotes actually came out of their mouths:

"Wait! We need quotes?! Since when do we need quotes?!"
"Holy crap! We need a works cited page? Why do I need one when I have the thing after the quote?"
"So we only need two quotes for the entire paper right?"

Survival of 3rd Quarter Slump

Ah, the end of the 3rd quarter has happened. For those of you that teach high school (maybe middle school as well), you know that grades drop significantly during this quarter. The underclassmen assume that they have life figured out, so they start to slack off. The juniors have started to get too preoccupied with prom and the seniors have started to stop caring (the real challenge comes to get seniors to do ANYTHING during 4th quarter).

Due to all of this, the grades of most students drop a letter grade if not more. This then causes parents to freak out and email you over, and over, and over, and over asking for grade changes. It also causes students BEGGING for extra credit.

How do you survive this? I have a few suggestions for you.

• Pretend you have become completely computer illiterate and you don't know how to access your email until a week after the 4th quarter starts. "Oh, I'm sorry. I had temporary amnesia and couldn't remember how to log into my email." I'm sure the parents will understand
    
• Smile anytime any student says something to you. Just smile. Don't speak. Just smile. The students will be driven away by your creepiness.
   
  
     

• Respond to any email with condescending Wonka. This is my personal favorite option.
  
   
     
• Throw your computer out the window. You know, because if you don't have a computer, you can't answer any emails. It is a fool proof excuse.
     
• Remember that you're supposed to be a professional and keep your cool even though it is super annoying that the students only care about their grades now. This is obviously the only logical option. Which is why the douchebag student meme should help. Yes, I know I've used this before but when it helps, it helps.
  
  

Why I Love Teaching

Per my last post, it is obvious it has been a trying week for me at school. Not only have I been having a hard time, but some students have been struggling due to being close to the teacher that passed away since they were in Model UN which was the club the teacher proctored. On Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, there were times where I had another teacher cover my classes so I could sit and let these girls talk. Or the girls would have study hall and just come in my room and relax so that they would not have to be in complete silence (like our study hall requires).

Beginning on Friday, the girls that were struggling as well as some other juniors that I had taught for two years in a row, started to stop by to ask me how I was doing. It isn't that they were over their grief, it was that they knew I was grieving as well.

This past week has been one of the hardest of my life so I tried to think of something positive. It wasn't hard today to realize that the most positive thing in my life is teaching. Yeah, it is stressful and there are days I want to scream due to losing patience with my students, but overall, I enjoy it. So to remind myself that there are positive things in life and to have a less depressing post, I present you with the following list.

5 Reasons Why I Love Teaching

1. My students that I currently have. One of them sent me the following picture in an email to try and make me feel better. I printed it out in color and it is now hanging on my door to remind everyone else as well. Not only did I receive this but they have also been super patient with me both in class and outside of it. They have been on their best behavior recently and they haven't bugged me about why I haven't gotten their tests graded that they took on Monday. They know I'm struggling so they are giving me time and space. Regardless of the times when annoy me, in general I care about my students and it is nice to know that they care about me.
   
   
      
2. My former students. So many juniors (juniors because I taught the majority of them two years in a row) have stopped by my classroom to use the scented hand sanitizer that I keep on my desk as an excuse to ask me how I'm doing. Most of them are on a "bathroom break" from their class so that they could just pop in to ask me if I was okay. One even made me the card/picture below (the blurry parts are my doing to blur out names). I started to tear up at it because I knew they cared about me.
   
   
       
3. Students I haven't even taught. The girls that are struggling from Model UN knew I was close to the teacher so they have been coming to me for comfort since they know I feel just like they do. I have never taught any of them. This morning, they cam in with cookies (because I need to make sure I eat) and a card. I was yet again reminded of how many lives I touched just by doing my job even if the part of my job I'm doing isn't the actual "teaching" part. The card read:
   
   You have no idea how much your support has meant to us. An escape to your room may seem simple, but it helped SO much to get away, even just for a few minutes. It helps so much to talk to someone who understands. I hope you are getting better everyday, and know that you meant a lot to him. He'll always be watching over us, and, if you need anything, or just a hug, we'll always be here for you. #MUNislife
      
4. Influencing every day. What this event has taught me is that I'm influencing students every day even if I don't realize it. It is sometimes hard to realize why I do my job or if I'm actually impacting students since many times they just sit there and stare. I'm never actually sure if what I'm trying to teach them gets through. This past week, however, I know for a fact that I have at least taught them compassion. They may not remember why Moore wrote Utopia but they know when a person is suffering and actually care.
         
5. I am surprised everyday. Sometimes these surprises are upsetting like learning a student has depression, that I didn't expect, or that they had a parent that passed away. However, most of the time, I am surprised in a good way such as learning that my students care so much or that they made sure they learned the material so I wouldn't get frustrated at them. Sometimes it is as small as learning that one of my students actually finds my jokes funny or remembered the fact I had told them the previous day in class. Regardless, I love that my students can surprise me every day and that, for the most part, it is a good surprise. I wouldn't trade that for the world.